Posted in Uncategorized on June 29th, 2009 by Shadow
Life is driven by fear, and we either choose to hide from it or face it. i have been hiding from life. ive been waiting for it and deep down inside i know its not going to find me i have to find it. it is not enough to just think up an idea you have to act on that idea and try with all your might to make that idea into something real. there is a type of fear that is inside of me and im not to sure what it is. this fear is hard to stand up against when i dont know what it is. I dream my dreams but cant act on them. There is a drive from within that is missing. i dont know what i need to face this fear. I need help, but i have a harder time accepting help from anyone.
I honestly don’t trust a soul on this earth. hell i dont know anyone for who they realy are. It has been my experience that no one is who they appear to be. The only thing everyone has in common is they only seem to care about themselves. They have the ability to listen and reapeat what is told but there is no real thought that is put into an answer. The main problem is everyone is so occupided with their own lifes they have no time for anyone else. i have been acting like that as well form time to time and im trying to work on it. its just hard when i feel like i am the only one trying.
i cant seem to stay focused and it shows in what ever i write. i think the first step i have to take in beating my bigger fear is to take out the small fears first. I hate the way i look and feel at this moment in time. i feel so self conscience i cant even push my self to go and work out. I feel like gyms are there for fit people to stay fit, not for overweight people to become fit. im not sure how i can beat this fear other then going to the gym and fighting the thoughts of others that plague my mind that keeps ticking every second of every day. ive prayed to be different and not the way i am. but i also think about the reason why i am the way i am its because im different. ive had to attain my achievements thus far looking like i do. Ive had to suffer through things others cant attain so easily. I have to learn how hard some things are so i can appreciate the greater things when i do (if i ever do). i use to say its all in your head and it really is. you can be your best friend at times and you can also be your worst enemy. If you are strong enough not to care what others think of you and can believe in your self that is the way to live life to the fullest. im working on that no so much now but i need to very badly. cause if you cant believe in your self no one else can.
I need to do things for myself not for others. I love so many things in this world and i strive to receive some love back.
“Imagine, believe and achieve.” this is my new motto.
i need to work on myself one piece at a time, nothing in this world is built in one step.
-Shadow