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Life, Friends, And XBOX Live -
Serious Post this time around. Questioning answers that plague my mind. Friends. A complex subject in my head. I love some of my friends so much but i feel its one sided. I try to help friends as much as i can. Ill do favors for them lift their spirits when they are down and in return i get knocked down. Ill give an example ill get on Xbox Live to play with friends all the time. I get text messages from one friend all the time telling me to get on and play Fool ! and i jump on no problem but for some reason when i want to play with this person or other friends i get ditched or ignored. Its like i guess this friendship is one sided. When they want to play its ooook but when i want to its out of the question. Im at the point i dont know what to do. I love the feeling i get when im having a blast playing with them but on the other hand when i cant play or when i am bored out of my mind i feel like shit cause i get sad when im getting ignored. I will send a txt or a msg and i will not get a response. but if i recieve one from them ill get back to them right away. This is a Bitch Blog entry. I just want some Love !
Places out of reach…
Sometimes giving up isn’t giving in. Sometimes you just have to give up, to let go…
Letting go is hard for me to do i am addicted to life and everything good in it. wow this sound like im downright suicidal. I would never kill myself from depression or sadness, there is always a way to move on and cope with pain. I have to many ideas to work on to just up and leave this world. who really knows whats out there. (changing this post in a different direction fast, leave now before you regret it.) I often find myself looking towards the sky thinking about this place people call heaven. People need something to look forward to after a life full of drop, dips and sharp curves we need something to believe in that is better then this. I honestly don’t know who really first thought this up. always looking up towards the heavens. there has to be something up there. i believe there is something up there its Space. A vast open place that goes on for who knows how long. If there is a heaven where does it exist ?
I lost a really good friend (at least i thought we were friends) she didn’t die or anything she just gave up on talking or hanging out with me all together. One f the last conversations i had with her was about religion. i asked her one simple question. Who Made god ? or how did god come into being. Her response was oh the age old question. and that was about it. I want to know how so many people can believe in something that there is no history on. what did one day something happened Poof ! Oh My God ! and then he was created and then got busy with his universe erector set building tons of shit we will never see for lifetimes if people even live that long. at this rate im not sure of anything. ok back to the reason why we arent friends, she i guess saw me as a person that doesnt believe in this figure that is worshipped with no questions. its like that wasnt covered in bible study, the teacher said ignore anyone that asks how was this figure you believe in made.
Did a group of guys get together one day and say i have this great idea lets make something and see if it will catch on. lets just say this being came to us and told us it was the thing that started it all there is no proof at all but writing it out will be proof enough. and then over the years different groups will have different views on it and create their own versions of it and that will be the real way it was told.
I just want some proof. the only way im going to believe is if there is some way to go back in time and see this happen. and i don’t think thats going to happen any time soon. another question that plauges me is if there is a god why would some one that took the time to create something so wonderful and exciting make it so painful at times. is it cause we are evolving and we are causing this pain ourselves ? or is it gos sick joke to get back at people like a kid with a magnifying glass ? you destoroyed my beautiful forest i created so no i will make you all suffer with Cancer ! I just dont see if god loves all why is there such a thing as pain why isnt it all butterflies and rainbows ? Why, is the main question here. WHHHHHY ? This is my rant i choose to write cause it frees my mind of ideas and helps me vent. I read comments and enjoy getting them but keep in mind this is my opinion and you are entitled to your own as well so dont make your self look like you are right and i am wrong, cause then i will just see you as one of these people that cant explain yourself and wont take anything you say seriously. (damn i contradict my self a lot)
Love be free and express your self.
“My Pain, Never to be forgotten.”
-Josh