Josh Speer

I haven’t written a thing on here in ages. I got caught up in a fantasy love life. I was hooked from the start and couldn’t do anything with out my love. But with all things good or bad they have to come to an end. I crashed hard too. Life was and is hard to face alone. I made the mistake of caring for her to much and asking for simple things. I lost my best friend and love last week and today would of marked out 9th anniversary. Its hard to face her or even talk to her. Tonight i learned about some stuff i had asked about in the past and never got a real answer. I was shocked at what i heard and realized i really didn’t know who she really was.

Its like this whole time she was lying and i don’t even know if anything was real from the past 2 years. I am unable to move on with her still in my life. its like she left me but still has her claws clinching my heart still. I have never met anyone so emotionless and careless about everything. She was hateful and rude to just about everyone she talked to. All of this and i couldn’t stop wanting her to loving her. It seemed like a simple thing to do is just let her go and do whatever she wanted to do but i care to much for her and people in general. I cant just let someone go. 

Today i did just that i wrote my heart out again in a letter telling her i couldn’t be her friend anymore. I really have never felt like i was. She said she trusted me and so on but i never felt like i was. i never got anything out of her. I was there to help but never was treated as a friend. i was just another stranger in her life. The things i heard tonight really hurt me and got me feeling bad for her but i cant change her past or her present. She needs to help herself before she goes back down this same path.

It is hard to let go for me but i guess this is a better time then none to start letting go. Letting her go is the only way i can stop thinking about her and worrying and just move on with my life. I just cant get threw to her or help her i tried and just couldn’t reach her.

Time will be the only cure for my heartache. I hope to meet her again later in life and hope she has changed in a good way.

-Josh

Im switching over from Comcast to DishNetwork and i didnt think i could have a harder switch. Im doing this switch because im ready for an HD package and comcast makes you pay out the ass for their version. I ordered the TurboHD service on Wednesday and ever since ive been playing tag with them trying to confirm i ordered the service and no they cant just send an email, but no i have to talk to them over the phone. for one thing i hate phones the other i hate AT&T ever since they bought cingular but thats a whole other story.

I get crappy reception in my house and i never recieve calls and it sucks so much… well back to my story. i sent a long email to dishnetwork telling them my troubles with their service and i havent recieved any kind of order conformation. Funny thing i get an email that says :

“Thank you for your e-mail.  In order to research your account, we will need more account information.  Please provide us with the phone number listed on your account and your account number so that we may further assist you. For immediate assistance please call our Customer Service Center at 1-800-333-3474 at your convenience.”

So of cousre i hit my self over the head many times trying to get a hold of how stupid these people really are. I went into long detail of my problem telling them i dont have an account and never got any form of conformation except the phone calls that went straight to my voicemail. and even better they just say they are calling to confirm i ordered the service and they dont offer a number to call back at all. the first time i got a number was today in that email.

So i call the place up and its one of those voice automated systems. and it takes forever for it to select what i want and it turns out i end up with the wrong thing and bam im back where i started. even calling them doesnt help. when i asked to be transfered to a different department they said they cant do that. so i asked her to email me the direct number to the support and never recieved that email. its like i have to work super hard for them to take my money and im not sure what to do now. I really want to get HD programing but im not sure how much now.

-Josh