I haven’t written a thing on here in ages. I got caught up in a fantasy love life. I was hooked from the start and couldn’t do anything with out my love. But with all things good or bad they have to come to an end. I crashed hard too. Life was and is hard to face alone. I made the mistake of caring for her to much and asking for simple things. I lost my best friend and love last week and today would of marked out 9th anniversary. Its hard to face her or even talk to her. Tonight i learned about some stuff i had asked about in the past and never got a real answer. I was shocked at what i heard and realized i really didn’t know who she really was.
Its like this whole time she was lying and i don’t even know if anything was real from the past 2 years. I am unable to move on with her still in my life. its like she left me but still has her claws clinching my heart still. I have never met anyone so emotionless and careless about everything. She was hateful and rude to just about everyone she talked to. All of this and i couldn’t stop wanting her to loving her. It seemed like a simple thing to do is just let her go and do whatever she wanted to do but i care to much for her and people in general. I cant just let someone go.
Today i did just that i wrote my heart out again in a letter telling her i couldn’t be her friend anymore. I really have never felt like i was. She said she trusted me and so on but i never felt like i was. i never got anything out of her. I was there to help but never was treated as a friend. i was just another stranger in her life. The things i heard tonight really hurt me and got me feeling bad for her but i cant change her past or her present. She needs to help herself before she goes back down this same path.
It is hard to let go for me but i guess this is a better time then none to start letting go. Letting her go is the only way i can stop thinking about her and worrying and just move on with my life. I just cant get threw to her or help her i tried and just couldn’t reach her.
Time will be the only cure for my heartache. I hope to meet her again later in life and hope she has changed in a good way.
-Josh