On the road to becoming myself i have been taking a few days to get through the bullshit that is life. Im surrounded by people with the idea of what life is and how its supposed to be. In this overcast of how im supposed to be im getting covered in what is only known, and not in the thought of new ways of thinking. Shadows cover any thought that is different from what is known and what is true. Im just realizing everyone is taught to take the easy path because it is the only one that is known better then the roads less traveled. People that are considered outcasts, Crazy or just different are the ones that look at the same thing being done and think of a new way to do it. And i feel like im bursting at the seems to be different but im surrounded by so many of the same people i cant break free from this mold. It scares me in some ways that things dont work the way you want them too but when im told constantly things cant work the way im thinking and im not given a chance to even try it scares me more that i cant trust myself to take the risk. I cant! is tossed around in my head to much to even think anything else lately. The thoughts of failure plague me and its so funny when a song can point out soemthing so clear i didn’t even see or think before :
I can’t seem to change you or open up your eye’s
So go on and sing your sad, sad song.
I don’t even blame you the routine is nice.
Nine to five and a suit and tie.
Fear of failure a comfort zone is killed.Braise your self’s and give into the moment.
I’ve got nothing to lose.
So what is your excuse?
Save yourself’s your dying in slow motion.
You got nothing to lose.
So what’s your excuse?Life can’t seem to teach you the safe caught is right.
So stray from the fight.
Don’t you realize?
The daydreamers nightmare is to never even try.
You kind of slipped by.
Fear of failure a comfort zone is killed.
You cant fail if you don’t even try. And i need to start living by those words cause i do have a fear of failure. I have all these ideas that are so great but i have this fear they will be stolen or hell not even made. And if i try i wont do a great job on them. So i type out the ideas and jsut sit on them talk about them and hype them up and never deliver with an end product. I cant stand doing this anymore. I need change and i need to be who im meant to be, i cant be who other want me to be. I cant do the things they have done, i cant take the main road i have to take a detour down the road less traveled. If it was easy everyone would be doing it. Ive realized why most people dont do what they really love or dream about doing. they cant invest the time and effort it takes to reach or achieve that dream. I came to this conclusion while watching an infomercial for some new workout tape. I can see how people wanting to loose weight would get this and start out doing the things instructed on the tape but then stop becaue it takes time and effort. The real question i and everyone has to ask themselves is my dream worth the time and effort. Do i really want this? My answer is FUCK YES !
I’m going to Keep Moving Forward and not let others influence me to stray off the road that leads to my dream.
One of the ways i think i tend to stray is i get excited about something new ive come up with and i have to tell some one about it or ill burst.
Being your self takes time, its not an overnight kind of thing. So im dedicated from this day forth to being me and accomplishing my dream no matter how hard it is.
“I am a product of my placement”
-Josh
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