Well Month two has arrived and im in full Depression mode. Does it ever feel like you are being used like some kind of voodoo doll. where someone or many someones have it out to get you. I feel like i am being tortured and pricked in life and its not getting easier. Everyone is out to get me for something i didn’t do. I also feel like i don’t have one True friend in this world. I know a ton of people but i dont think any of them consider me a friend. i think sometimes some of them are my friends but then get blown off or not called kind of puts a damper on my mood. Why cant life be easy and everyone live in peace ? Im so sick of work right now i wish i could just win the lottery and be done with it all. I know im destined for greater things but im just stuck in this crap hole of a life. And im just not sure what to do to start my great escape to a life i want to live. I hate having this curse of procrastination. I know i want to start pursuing the things i love the most in life but i feel stuck. I always find my self doing the things that give me instant gratification instead of something i have to work for over time to get the gratification i need now.
Why ????? I listened to a song from a band last week and it had this great line in it,
“…no one gets to heaven if they don’t go through hell…”
I know life isn’t supposed to be all butterflies and rainbows but i just want to know when it gets a little easier. Its hard being alone in life with no one to talk to. I had one single friend at my workplace but now im not sure since a few others have set out to make my life a living hell. Making it hard to talk to this one person. My only place to vent and talk to some one that understands my problems. after i feel like i lost that one person i went on to my only other place where i can chat and i get a list of rude comments from so called friends on there telling me to stop talking so now i literally have no where to chat with others but this damn blog no one reads. This is about the time if some one was reading they would think im contemplating suicide but im not that kind of person. I know this is a big speed bump in my life and i need to find a way over it. I hate the parts in life that you know are times to move on. Im the kind of person that likes to stay in a comfort zone i don’t seek something else if im comfortable with a few messes thrown in. But there are times in life where the only way you can feel better and succeed is to move on and get over it. just saying that reminds me of a line from a movie it went “worrying is like a rocking chair it doesn’t get you anywhere!”
I need to learn to grow up a little but its just hard sometimes when i love being like a kid.
I need to pop back into bed im so tired and feeling like crap from a sickness and a stage of depression tossed in. Thanks for reading this bitch log if there is anyone out there reading this.
-Josh